Life Is Like a Box Of Chocolates...


On Being Big

My whole life, it's been impossible for me to hide.  I've got a big voice and a big personality and, more recently, a big body.  I take up space.  There's no denying it. Personally I like being big.  Some people find it intimidating, but if they take a moment to engage with me, they find that I may be big, but I also make huge amounts of space for others. 

Space for Others
At my party this weekend, I invited people to share some of their memories of me.  (I love to see what people remember, it often reminds me of things I've forgotten.)  One of the people at the party made the comment that she remembered me listening to her as she talked about her experiences when she had lived in another state.  She felt not only seen, but understood and held in reverence.  One of the reasons this is so is because I accept her for who she is.  I don't judge her.  The fact is that I am likely the least judgmental person you'll meet.  And this is why I find it so incomprehensible when others judge me.

When Will Judging Based on Weight Be "Un PC"?
I can't wait until what is "politically correct" catches up for me.  It's not OK to judge people by their race, it's almost not OK to judge people by their gender, but it seems that it's still fair game to judge people by their weight.  You'd be amazed at the judgments that people put out about me because of my weight. 

Unhappy?  Not!
They assume I'm unhappy and that I eat to make everything alright.  That's patently not true.  I am in fact quite a happy person.  Do I eat on the rare occassions that I am unhappy?  Yep.  But I eat at other times too,

Lazy?  Not!
They assume that I'm lazy because I don't go to the gym.  Am I lazy?  Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I get more done in a day than the average person gets done in a week.  Nope - not lazy.  Simply put - I hate to sweat and I don't like doing things that a) aren't interactive and b) don't get me anywhere.  Now if I get on my bike and ride to someplace I want to go, or I walk down to the corner store, I'm happy to get some exercise.  But sitting in a gym and staring at the walls while I pretend to walk somewhere just isn't my game.

Stupid?  Not!
They assume that I'm not so bright because clearly I don't understand the health risks associated with being "overweight" (don't get me started on that term).  If you've read my blog for any time at all, I think you'll be able to say with certainty that being "no so bright" is not one of my qualities either.  And, quite frankly, I bet that my blood pressure is lower than most of the people's reading this (110/76) and my cholesterol hasn't moved since I was 18 (about 120 pounds ago). 

Lacking Will Power?  Not!
They assume that I have no will power.  But I have fasted for two weeks.  And I have given up all sugar and red meat for a month.  I have even gone off dairy for a year.  I have lots of will power. 

Keep The Judgments to Yourself
They assume somehow that they have the right to tell me that I should lose weight.  People close to me mention it because they are "concerned for my health".  They believe that because they love me, they have the right to weigh in on the matter.  And yet even that justification doesn't always work because sometimes even strangers feel that they have the right to tell me what to do with my body. 

Even on My Birthday
I got a birthday card recently from a reader (it was my birthday yesterday).  And the message in the card was lovely.  There was a picture of cake on the left of the card and yet when I scrolled down, somehow, I felt less than appreciated.  Below the picture of the cake was a message that said "Nothing Tastes as Good as Slim Feels, Celebrate Wisely".  So it seems that because I am large, even on the day that everyone else in the world is encouraged to indulge, I am not allowed.  As though I am to do pennance for my size.

It's very sad to feel so completely unseen in this way.  Ironically, last week I ordered a shipment of Nurtisystem and it should be arriving in a day or so.  I did it not because I am unhappy with how I look, but because I am wanting to be a little more agile as I wander through life and this having been my 40th birthday, I figured that I'd better get on it before my metabolism slows down more.  I almost didn't tell you this because I was afraid that it would unsay everything I've said.  But I trust you, dear reader, to be smarter than that.  

Judgement is An Ugly Thing
What I am saying is that judgment is an ugly thing - for any reason.  It feels bad to be judged but it is worse for the person doing the judging.  You know why?  Because while I only feel judged when someone outright does it to my face, those who judge others feel judged constantly - even when they aren't being judged by anyone else.  They are judging themselves and this is what weighs on them, more than my pounds ever could weigh on me.

So I thank you for your love and concern and I'll thank you to keep your judgments to yourself.  I am beautiful and sexy and amazing just as I am.  And I always will be - no matter what size I choose to be.



If you enjoy my posts, you'll love my products at  Thanks for reading!

Kelle Sparta
Thought Alchemist

Comment balloon 4 commentsKelle Sparta • November 02 2009 08:32AM


Kelle ~ First let me wish you a wonderful birthday.  This is a wonderfully written blog as all of your work is.  I get so upset that people are so judgmental of others.  We should be happy in ourselves and I think it is WONDERFUL that you are!

Posted by Lori Churchill Cofer, Realtor - 509-330-0086 - Pullman, WA (Beasley Realty) about 7 years ago

Hi Kelle-I'm learning that what I think of myself is far more important than what others think of me. You said it so well-Judgement is An Ugly Thing

Happy Birthday!

Posted by Tammy Woodin, Sudden Valley, Washington about 7 years ago

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I learned a lesson early on in life (although not quite early enough.) I was on the other spectrum of the judgement cycle. I was quite the runt growing up and was always judged for being "too skinny." I also had complete strangers who felt they were allowed to comment on my size. I couldn't go to a restaurant without someone feeling they could come up to me and make comments along the lines of "You need to eat more." "I hope you plan on eating all of your food. You need it." "You should get two look sickly." WOW really??!!! What makes one think they can speak to a complete stranger in such a hostile, hurtful way (not that I tolerated it from friends and family either)?

In my early 20's, I was walking through a shop within a place I worked with my co-worker. She was on what people call the bigger side and I was still on what people called the sickly skinny side. While we were shopping together we could hear our fellow co-workers criticizing BOTH of us for our weight! I was too small. She was too big. I then realized, society is TOO judgemental! Some people criticize just for the sake of criticizing. They have nothing better to do with their time and their SMALL minds!!

Posted by Dawn Nuzzi ('Til Dawn Real Estate) about 7 years ago

Kelle, Happy Belated Birthday!  I cannot believe that birthday card message - shame on the giver of that card.  You do whatever you choose to do.  Friends don't set themselves up as judge.

Posted by Susan Brown (Keller Williams NE, Kingwood Texas (Humble & Atascocita too)) about 7 years ago