Life Is Like a Box Of Chocolates...

This week, I thought I'd talk to you a bit about fear because it can get in the way of us getting what we want.  

Fear is a normal reaction to change.  When we change, we take a step into the unknown.  No matter how we how much we plan, we can't account for every contingency.  And therein lies the challenge.  

One Change Can Shift Everything 
Instinctively we know that when we engage the process of change in our lives, even if it's only a very small one, it affects everything around it.  If we make a large enough shift, even if it's confined to a single arena, it can have a cascade effect through our entire life.  

Outer Change Effects Inner Change
This is because all the changes we make in our outer world shift who we are in our inner world as well.  Changing how we choose to behave in, or react to, the world around us affects our attitudes, assumptions and beliefs.  Once the core being of who we are is different, that changes everything else we touch.  Which means that change threatens everything we currently have in our life.  If we change, we might not get to keep things, people, and relationships that are important to us. 

Fear Of Loss 
When considered from this angle, we can see that the fear we are dealing with is not so much the fear of the unknown as it is a fear of loss.  We don't want to lose what we have because we're afraid that what replaces it may be worse.  It's funny how even the most ardent optimists tend to lose faith when it comes to this point.  

Letting Go Doesn't Equal Loss 
We don't realize that, through the process of choosing something different for our lives, we are changing who we are.  Any changes that come from that shift will be the direct result of the new things we want.  So if people, relationships, things, jobs, etc. fall away from our lives after that, then it is because we wanted them to.  

But It Can Be Painful 
That doesn't make it painless.  Loss is rarely without its grief.  But it is a loss of our choosing.  Somehow, this truth eludes us when we are contemplating change.  Most people feel like they will be totally out of control if they make different choices and shift the world around them. 

How Most People Get Past Fear 
Therefore, the reason most people do finally engage the process of change is that they either manage to get optimistic about what the change will bring, or, more often, they decide that nothing can be worse than what they have.  In actuality, we often find that experience is the best remedy for fear.  When we have experience in something, then we feel more confident because we know (or think we know) what to expect.   

The True Secret To Overcoming Fear
But if we're being really honest, you can never actually know what to expect.  There are too many variables.  The true secret to overcoming your fear in any situation lies in believing in yourself, your ability to adapt, and your willingness to take good care of yourself along the way.  This is ultimately the best remedy.  If you have a belief in a benevolent higher power, then surrendering and trusting that your higher power will take care of you as well is also helpful. 

Parable About Fear
I've been working on a book about personal growth.  There is a section of it that I thought might be useful for you here today.  So I leave you with this as my parting thought.

Fear
 

A woman who could not get past her fears, prayed to the spirits to help her.  "Oh spirits, why am I stuck, unable to move, despite my wishes to make great leaps forward?"  In answer, the spirits passed their hands across the fabric of her vision.  And where their hands passed, threads appeared - more threads than she had ever seen before in her life, going in all directions, crossing at seemingly random places.  Most of the threads connected to her.
 
"So I am bound" she said.  "Who has done this to me?  And how do I get loose of these bonds?"
 
"No one has done this to you" answered the spirits.  "This is the nature of who you are.  All of life is connected through these cords that you see around you.  If you were to be loosed of your bonds, you would cease to exist in this world."
 
"I don't understand" she said.
 
"Try moving" they replied.  She moved her arm and saw that, as she did, some cords flexed and moved easily, and others were already stretched taut and resisted her movement.  She moved her leg and the same thing happened again.
 
"The ones that resist are the threads that connect you to people, ideas, assumptions and beliefs that hold you in place. You must either break those cords or remain where you are.  The choice is yours."
 
She moved her arm again and watched how that movement rippled outwards across the web of cords that surrounded her.  She moved her finger and saw that even that movement had an effect on the whole.  She realized that each cord was not just loosely attached.  Some pulled in one direction or another.  Some were comfortable, others itched and burned.  Some cords twisted tightly around one another, others existed almost in isolation.  She could not imagine what would happen if she broke a cord. 
 
"The web you see around you is the web of your life.  If you break a strand, the rest of your life must adjust to compensate.  Some changes have little effect, others change the nature of the web.  You are stuck in fear because you are unwilling to accept the changes to your web that your choices would create.  That too is a choice, but one we fear you may not be happy with in the end."
 
"I understand" said the woman.  And before she could change her mind, she cut the strands that chafed, the ones that burned, and the ones that held her in place.  She made a choice to change - and her web was never the same again."

Do You Need A Coach to Get and Keep You On Track Despite Your Fears?  Kelle Can Help - Learn More

Kelle Sparta is the author of The Consultative Real Estate Agent - Building Relationships that Create Loyal Clients, Get More Referrals, and Increase Your Sales, as well as being a speaker and trainer specializing in the real estate industry. Kelle is the founder of Sparta Success Systems, a real estate training company that provides tools, products, and training to empower agents and brokers to create lives and businesses they can love. For more information, visit her website at http://www.spartasuccess.com/. © 2008, Kelle Sparta.