Notice the Bad Habit
The first step to breaking a bad habit is to notice when you do it. Spend the next few days noticing when you are telling yourself a story. Start to recognize the situations in which you are most likely to make up a story. Notice what form your stories usually take.
Break the Pattern
Once you learn to recognize the pattern, you are in a position to shift it. Whatever the story is that you have created for yourself, break the pattern by telling yourself "This is only a story. I don't know the actual truth. By telling myself this story, I am being self-abusive. I refuse to continue telling myself this story."
Put a New Pattern In Place
Once you have cancelled out the old story, it's time to replace your habit with a new, more healthy one. Consider whether there is even a need for you to have a story for this situation. It might be OK for you to not know the reasoning that someone had for acting the way they did. Perhaps you can ask that person what their reasoning was. Or, if you can't and you feel you really need a story, see what you can do to create one that makes you feel better rather than worse. New patterns require a little effort. It may take you a while to get used to this process. But eventually, you will find that changing this habit can be a freeing experience.
Kelle Sparta is the author of The Consultative Real Estate Agent - Building Relationships that Create Loyal Clients, Get More Referrals, and Increase Your Sales, as well as being a speaker and trainer specializing in the real estate industry. Kelle is the founder of Sparta Success Systems, a real estate training company that provides tools, products, and training to empower agents and brokers to create lives and businesses they can love. For more information, visit her website at www.spartasuccess.com. © 2006, Kelle Sparta. Used by permission.
Physchological studies show that to break a bad habit itwill take 21 days minimum of no longer practicing the bad habit. Then the person must perform a good/reverse habit for 42 days. Plainly spoken, you must break the bad for 21, add the good for 21 then re-enforce the good with an extra 21 for it to work long term.